I am about the same age and my 4 year old is going through something similar, though admittedly less severe. I want to preface by saying he’s my first child and I don’t know what I’m doing and likely never will.
That said, I’ve made some progress over the last few months by forcing him to face smaller and less impactful disappointments. For example, he wanted ice cream at the grocery store, which is not something we typically buy but instead of saying no, I told him we could get ice cream, just not the one he wanted. I wanted vanilla and he wanted chocolate. As soon as he started to whine that “it’s not what he wanted” I reminded him the other option was none. Ice cream won, he was stoked and there was no melt down this time.
I’ve been doing the same thing in other ways here and there. “Yes I’ll play with you, but no I won’t play that game, how about this one?” And I just stay firm on the boundary of how with the alternative being “no” and fully accepting that a meltdown might ensue. I’ve noticed little by little he just seems to be freaking out less and less.
With meltdowns, the only way out is through, I’ve been told.
On the hand washing thing, I am guessing it’s a sensory problem. The water is too hot or too cold or too wet, something like that. I think you should cut him slack here, bodies are weird and this may be hard for him in a way that doesn’t make sense to you. Using sanitizer or a water-free hand soap is an option to reduce hand washing frequency, might make it easier on everyone.
I am about the same age and my 4 year old is going through something similar, though admittedly less severe. I want to preface by saying he’s my first child and I don’t know what I’m doing and likely never will.
That said, I’ve made some progress over the last few months by forcing him to face smaller and less impactful disappointments. For example, he wanted ice cream at the grocery store, which is not something we typically buy but instead of saying no, I told him we could get ice cream, just not the one he wanted. I wanted vanilla and he wanted chocolate. As soon as he started to whine that “it’s not what he wanted” I reminded him the other option was none. Ice cream won, he was stoked and there was no melt down this time.
I’ve been doing the same thing in other ways here and there. “Yes I’ll play with you, but no I won’t play that game, how about this one?” And I just stay firm on the boundary of how with the alternative being “no” and fully accepting that a meltdown might ensue. I’ve noticed little by little he just seems to be freaking out less and less.
With meltdowns, the only way out is through, I’ve been told.
On the hand washing thing, I am guessing it’s a sensory problem. The water is too hot or too cold or too wet, something like that. I think you should cut him slack here, bodies are weird and this may be hard for him in a way that doesn’t make sense to you. Using sanitizer or a water-free hand soap is an option to reduce hand washing frequency, might make it easier on everyone.
Good luck!