As of today, I have a 1 month old. She is amazing and I love her so much, but she’s boring! Don’t get me wrong, she’s difficult and my wife and I haven’t slept a good night in a month, but all she does is eat, sleep, and poop. There’s basically no interaction.
I’m so looking forward to being able to laugh with her, play with her, and generally start teaching her the world.
How do you feel? What’s your favorite stage of child development?
Congrats on the kiddo! We called this phase “the worm of obligation”.
My kid is five years old, and it’s absolutely my favorite phase so far. I can play imagination games and video games with them (Goat Simulator is the current favorite) and have great conversations. They’re wicked smart, empathetic and caring, a great hiking buddy, and their vocabulary is stunning. Seeing the dots connect and the excitement in their voice when they realize how something works is absolutely magical!
I know my experience isn’t typical, but I wanted to slip in some advice. Parents can’t help it. Until about six months ago my kid had some gnarly emotional control issues that they were in therapies for. We joked that their motto was “no, and fuck you for asking”, and it was honestly the saddest and most brutal four years of my life. I had expectations for the experiences I would share with them, and they just couldn’t play the part I imagined. Their sensory needs are the exact opposite of mine, and it was very difficult to work around. My core advice would be to be flexible. It’s great to dream of how you’ll play with them, but understand that the kinds of interactions that are joyful depends entirely on her. Don’t be too invested in any particular activity–just look for opportunities to connect and play, even if it’s not a game you enjoy. And stick with it. Some phases are just terrible, and it feels like it will never end. It can take months or years of gentle correction before a concept/rule sets in, and the temptation will be there to escalate negative reinforcement (being a parent gave me great insight into hamsters), but one day, with no apparent trigger, the lights flip on in some new brain region and they suddenly get it. Your biggest responsibility is to build a relationship and trust, not make them behave perfectly. They don’t implicitly understand or care about arbitrary rules like “no climbing on the counters”, or “don’t put things in the cat”.
My advice comes from my own experience, so it may not apply well to your kid. Actually, that’s a good perspective for any parenting advice–you’ll be the only expert in your kid. Take advice into consideration, but discard what doesn’t apply to her specifically. A lot of parenting advice comes from “I tried X thing at the same time that the behavior happened to change” and a lot of the time what the parent was doing when the change happened was a coincidence (see B.F. Skinner’s superstitious pigeons). Engage in good faith, be flexible, advocate for them, ask for help when you need it. Some things just won’t happen until her brain is at a certain point of development, so support where she is in the moment, meet her on her terms, and be patient. You’ll do great!
being a parent gave me great insight into hamsters
Right… wait, what?
“don’t put things in the cat”
What?!
I’ve heard of “don’t microwave the cat”, but that’s supposed to be for much older kids.
Talking about microwaves, do have her put an egg in the microwave. If she’s got any curiosity, she’ll try stuff on her own… better to learn some consequences in a controlled setting.
A lot of parenting advice comes from “I tried X thing at the same time that the behavior happened to change” and a lot of the time what the parent was doing when the change happened was a coincidence (see B.F. Skinner’s superstitious pigeons).
This is really really good advice. It sounds like it boils down to learning to be patient and meeting them on their terms (their terms within reason).
I have desires for the interactions I’d want to have with her, but no expectations. She’s going to be who she is and I’m not going to try to change that. We’ll embrace what she enjoys and encourage exploration as best we can afford.
Child brain development is the most interesting thing to me and I look forward to seeing how she interacts with the world.
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Congrats on the kiddo! We called this phase “the worm of obligation”.
My kid is five years old, and it’s absolutely my favorite phase so far. I can play imagination games and video games with them (Goat Simulator is the current favorite) and have great conversations. They’re wicked smart, empathetic and caring, a great hiking buddy, and their vocabulary is stunning. Seeing the dots connect and the excitement in their voice when they realize how something works is absolutely magical!
I know my experience isn’t typical, but I wanted to slip in some advice. Parents can’t help it. Until about six months ago my kid had some gnarly emotional control issues that they were in therapies for. We joked that their motto was “no, and fuck you for asking”, and it was honestly the saddest and most brutal four years of my life. I had expectations for the experiences I would share with them, and they just couldn’t play the part I imagined. Their sensory needs are the exact opposite of mine, and it was very difficult to work around. My core advice would be to be flexible. It’s great to dream of how you’ll play with them, but understand that the kinds of interactions that are joyful depends entirely on her. Don’t be too invested in any particular activity–just look for opportunities to connect and play, even if it’s not a game you enjoy. And stick with it. Some phases are just terrible, and it feels like it will never end. It can take months or years of gentle correction before a concept/rule sets in, and the temptation will be there to escalate negative reinforcement (being a parent gave me great insight into hamsters), but one day, with no apparent trigger, the lights flip on in some new brain region and they suddenly get it. Your biggest responsibility is to build a relationship and trust, not make them behave perfectly. They don’t implicitly understand or care about arbitrary rules like “no climbing on the counters”, or “don’t put things in the cat”.
My advice comes from my own experience, so it may not apply well to your kid. Actually, that’s a good perspective for any parenting advice–you’ll be the only expert in your kid. Take advice into consideration, but discard what doesn’t apply to her specifically. A lot of parenting advice comes from “I tried X thing at the same time that the behavior happened to change” and a lot of the time what the parent was doing when the change happened was a coincidence (see B.F. Skinner’s superstitious pigeons). Engage in good faith, be flexible, advocate for them, ask for help when you need it. Some things just won’t happen until her brain is at a certain point of development, so support where she is in the moment, meet her on her terms, and be patient. You’ll do great!
This is such a great comment and advice.
Also, poor cat.
Lol, “don’t put things in the cat” made me chuckle. Kids are so weird sometimes.
Right… wait, what?
What?!
I’ve heard of “don’t microwave the cat”, but that’s supposed to be for much older kids.
Talking about microwaves, do have her put an egg in the microwave. If she’s got any curiosity, she’ll try stuff on her own… better to learn some consequences in a controlled setting.
THIS. If nothing else, THIS. So THIS.
This is really really good advice. It sounds like it boils down to learning to be patient and meeting them on their terms (their terms within reason).
I have desires for the interactions I’d want to have with her, but no expectations. She’s going to be who she is and I’m not going to try to change that. We’ll embrace what she enjoys and encourage exploration as best we can afford.
Child brain development is the most interesting thing to me and I look forward to seeing how she interacts with the world.
If you’re interested in child development or even just at some point struggling with communication I cannot recommend this book enough
“How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen”