Single parent chiming in. I might have a unique perspective on this since I live in a conservative suburb of a major Texas metro.
The biggest thing I’ve noticed is that I’m not allowed to simply be a parent, at least as far as social opinions are concerned. Whenever I take my son out to, say, the park, or for afters, other parents willing to strike up conversations take one of two stances: I am either babysitting my son (i.e. giving mum a break), or I’m suspicious for spending time with him alone (the implication being that men can’t be trusted with childcare unsupervised).
I am acquainted with the parents of my son’s friends, but outside of major events like school functions or birthday parties, I have to take the initiative on giving him opportunities to socialize with his peers because those parents won’t include my son otherwise–because the mums won’t text a single man first under any circumstances and the mums are ones who do all the planning. And while I don’t believe this slight is intentional or malicious, it’s difficult not to take it personally when they’ve collectively only met his mum once (at an end-of-year school function) and they’ve only ever known us in the context of me being a single parent.
I have twice in the last year had to explain to the old bill that I am not, in fact, a predator using my child as an excuse to scope out the local park for victims, and that my son is, in fact, my son. That one is impossible not to take personally–his mother, who is a violent, cocaine-addicted terror of a person–would never be accused of such by a stranger. The assumption would simply be that she is his mum. As a dad, I am afforded no such courtesy, and it is astonishing to me the sheer level of impropriety in which conservative white women feel justified because “they’re just looking out for the children.”
And if that sounds bitter, well, as I said, it’s hard not to take the latter personally when it has the potential to forever (negatively) alter my son’s future, especially when I’m a single parent primarily to protect him in the first place.
If custody agreements in Texas didn’t come bog-standard with geographic restrictions that carried multiple felony penalties for breaking, I’d have left the States a long time ago. But I absolutely refuse to jeopardize my son’s future or my custody of him, so here we are.
I have twice in the last year had to explain to the old bill that I am not, in fact, a predator
Yeah… last week I was changing my kid’s nappy in a shopping mall parents room and the cleaner tried to take over. Like WTF do you really think a father can’t change a nappy?
The biggest barrier I’ve seen around me from other Dads is mostly about positive father figures and the expectations of society of what it is to be a good Dad and supporting partner (this is also mentioned in the article which I agree with).
I was absolutely shocked at the bare minimum that other Dads seem to do and get away with. People who I’d normally consider good,thoughtful and responsible people just seem absolutely oblivious to the struggles of their partner and what it takes to be a properly equal parent.
Discussing it (gently… as it’s never my place to butt into other people’s parenting styles) the running theme was that they are using their own Dad as a sort of base line, trying to be genuinely better than what came before, that’s admirable …. But this base is often so low in terms of being “hands on” that changing the odd nappy and spending some time playing every now and again is seen as a big step up.
There is also this feeling that somehow paid work is more important or harder than parenting work. Which is absolute nonsense for most jobs. “It’s my day off!” “I’ve finished work I want to relax” - Sorry but no, when you get home it’s now time to 50/50 parent at the very least. (Edit: somehow this view doesn’t reflect when Mum is also a working…. Dad needs a break as he’s finished work… but Mum doesn’t get a break when finishing work and has to go straight into parenting)
Of course there are exceptions as long as both parents have really good communication and discuss what works for them and are both genuinely happy with the arrangement.
This doesn’t reflect every situation and every Dad… I have Dad friends who are great and absolutely true 50/50 parents… but most that I know do sadly fall into what I’ve described.
Society in general needs to be promoting positive role models for what fatherhood should be and stop with the bumbling idiot dad who’s only role is to “bring home the bacon” which is so outdated and generally harmful. We need that base line of being a good Dad to be higher… Basically we need more Bandits.
I would argue though that if “Dads want to do more caretaking” they absolutely can. The barriers for Dads are much, much lower than the other side of the coin “Mums want to have a career”.
You’re right that a big part of it is social/cultural expectations of the people around those parents. If Bluey is normalizing what it means to be an involved dad for millennial dads of kids born between 2015 and 2025, we’ll start to see critical mass of that kind of expectation.
In my social circle (millennial professionals living in big cities in the East Coast), it seems the knowing how to cook well and owning a dog are really important for the dating scene, and seem to set a certain baseline expectation for what unpaid household work one is able to do alone or with a significant other. And, if we’re getting married later than previous generations (marrying between 30-35 to people we knew for 2+ years), and engaged in active family planning (that is, birth control), there’s an opportunity to show during the dating years how career and household responsibilities interplay, before the couples actually choose to have children together.
And it feeds back onto itself. I personally don’t really run into the issue of diaper changing stations in women restrooms but not men’s restrooms (where I live in DC, most restrooms are single stall unisex, with one or two diaper changing stations that are also in unisex stalls). There’s a pretty healthy representation of other solo dads at the playground, or at daycare pickup/dropoff, etc. It’s not 50/50, but it’s closer than in some other cities I’ve lived in, or the stories I hear from family and friends elsewhere.
So we’re moving there. Our generation just has to continue to model the behavior for those that come after (especially our own children).
If Bluey is normalizing what it means to be an involved dad for millennial dads of kids born between 2015 and 2025
As an Australian, I’m simultaneously glad to see Bluey helping people around the world but also a bit horrified to hear stories where people call it progressive. Bluey is an accurate representation of a normal household (and father) here.
where I live in DC, most restrooms are single stall unisex, with one or two diaper changing stations that are also in unisex stalls
We generally have a dedicated “parents room” here. The size varies but there will be changing stations, quiet places to sit, a small playground, a small kitchen with filtered drinking water/microwave/sink/etc and small toilets and hand basins for kids that are toilet trained but not tall enough to use a full size toilet and basin. They have facilities for adults too, so nobody needs to bring their three year old into the regular restroom. The parents room is also generally cleaned a lot more frequently and thoroughly - acknowledging that kids will touch everything (not just by cleaners either, there are disposable wipes and towels provided so parents can keep it clean.
Things are definitely not perfect in Australia - but better than most of the world and the kind of problems mentioned in this thread tend to be limited to encounters with elderly people or foreigners.
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Single parent chiming in. I might have a unique perspective on this since I live in a conservative suburb of a major Texas metro.
The biggest thing I’ve noticed is that I’m not allowed to simply be a parent, at least as far as social opinions are concerned. Whenever I take my son out to, say, the park, or for afters, other parents willing to strike up conversations take one of two stances: I am either babysitting my son (i.e. giving mum a break), or I’m suspicious for spending time with him alone (the implication being that men can’t be trusted with childcare unsupervised).
I am acquainted with the parents of my son’s friends, but outside of major events like school functions or birthday parties, I have to take the initiative on giving him opportunities to socialize with his peers because those parents won’t include my son otherwise–because the mums won’t text a single man first under any circumstances and the mums are ones who do all the planning. And while I don’t believe this slight is intentional or malicious, it’s difficult not to take it personally when they’ve collectively only met his mum once (at an end-of-year school function) and they’ve only ever known us in the context of me being a single parent.
I have twice in the last year had to explain to the old bill that I am not, in fact, a predator using my child as an excuse to scope out the local park for victims, and that my son is, in fact, my son. That one is impossible not to take personally–his mother, who is a violent, cocaine-addicted terror of a person–would never be accused of such by a stranger. The assumption would simply be that she is his mum. As a dad, I am afforded no such courtesy, and it is astonishing to me the sheer level of impropriety in which conservative white women feel justified because “they’re just looking out for the children.”
And if that sounds bitter, well, as I said, it’s hard not to take the latter personally when it has the potential to forever (negatively) alter my son’s future, especially when I’m a single parent primarily to protect him in the first place.
If custody agreements in Texas didn’t come bog-standard with geographic restrictions that carried multiple felony penalties for breaking, I’d have left the States a long time ago. But I absolutely refuse to jeopardize my son’s future or my custody of him, so here we are.
Yeah… last week I was changing my kid’s nappy in a shopping mall parents room and the cleaner tried to take over. Like WTF do you really think a father can’t change a nappy?
The biggest barrier I’ve seen around me from other Dads is mostly about positive father figures and the expectations of society of what it is to be a good Dad and supporting partner (this is also mentioned in the article which I agree with).
I was absolutely shocked at the bare minimum that other Dads seem to do and get away with. People who I’d normally consider good,thoughtful and responsible people just seem absolutely oblivious to the struggles of their partner and what it takes to be a properly equal parent.
Discussing it (gently… as it’s never my place to butt into other people’s parenting styles) the running theme was that they are using their own Dad as a sort of base line, trying to be genuinely better than what came before, that’s admirable …. But this base is often so low in terms of being “hands on” that changing the odd nappy and spending some time playing every now and again is seen as a big step up.
There is also this feeling that somehow paid work is more important or harder than parenting work. Which is absolute nonsense for most jobs. “It’s my day off!” “I’ve finished work I want to relax” - Sorry but no, when you get home it’s now time to 50/50 parent at the very least. (Edit: somehow this view doesn’t reflect when Mum is also a working…. Dad needs a break as he’s finished work… but Mum doesn’t get a break when finishing work and has to go straight into parenting)
Of course there are exceptions as long as both parents have really good communication and discuss what works for them and are both genuinely happy with the arrangement.
This doesn’t reflect every situation and every Dad… I have Dad friends who are great and absolutely true 50/50 parents… but most that I know do sadly fall into what I’ve described.
Society in general needs to be promoting positive role models for what fatherhood should be and stop with the bumbling idiot dad who’s only role is to “bring home the bacon” which is so outdated and generally harmful. We need that base line of being a good Dad to be higher… Basically we need more Bandits.
I would argue though that if “Dads want to do more caretaking” they absolutely can. The barriers for Dads are much, much lower than the other side of the coin “Mums want to have a career”.
You’re right that a big part of it is social/cultural expectations of the people around those parents. If Bluey is normalizing what it means to be an involved dad for millennial dads of kids born between 2015 and 2025, we’ll start to see critical mass of that kind of expectation.
In my social circle (millennial professionals living in big cities in the East Coast), it seems the knowing how to cook well and owning a dog are really important for the dating scene, and seem to set a certain baseline expectation for what unpaid household work one is able to do alone or with a significant other. And, if we’re getting married later than previous generations (marrying between 30-35 to people we knew for 2+ years), and engaged in active family planning (that is, birth control), there’s an opportunity to show during the dating years how career and household responsibilities interplay, before the couples actually choose to have children together.
And it feeds back onto itself. I personally don’t really run into the issue of diaper changing stations in women restrooms but not men’s restrooms (where I live in DC, most restrooms are single stall unisex, with one or two diaper changing stations that are also in unisex stalls). There’s a pretty healthy representation of other solo dads at the playground, or at daycare pickup/dropoff, etc. It’s not 50/50, but it’s closer than in some other cities I’ve lived in, or the stories I hear from family and friends elsewhere.
So we’re moving there. Our generation just has to continue to model the behavior for those that come after (especially our own children).
As an Australian, I’m simultaneously glad to see Bluey helping people around the world but also a bit horrified to hear stories where people call it progressive. Bluey is an accurate representation of a normal household (and father) here.
We generally have a dedicated “parents room” here. The size varies but there will be changing stations, quiet places to sit, a small playground, a small kitchen with filtered drinking water/microwave/sink/etc and small toilets and hand basins for kids that are toilet trained but not tall enough to use a full size toilet and basin. They have facilities for adults too, so nobody needs to bring their three year old into the regular restroom. The parents room is also generally cleaned a lot more frequently and thoroughly - acknowledging that kids will touch everything (not just by cleaners either, there are disposable wipes and towels provided so parents can keep it clean.
Things are definitely not perfect in Australia - but better than most of the world and the kind of problems mentioned in this thread tend to be limited to encounters with elderly people or foreigners.