The biggest barrier I’ve seen around me from other Dads is mostly about positive father figures and the expectations of society of what it is to be a good Dad and supporting partner (this is also mentioned in the article which I agree with).
I was absolutely shocked at the bare minimum that other Dads seem to do and get away with. People who I’d normally consider good,thoughtful and responsible people just seem absolutely oblivious to the struggles of their partner and what it takes to be a properly equal parent.
Discussing it (gently… as it’s never my place to butt into other people’s parenting styles) the running theme was that they are using their own Dad as a sort of base line, trying to be genuinely better than what came before, that’s admirable …. But this base is often so low in terms of being “hands on” that changing the odd nappy and spending some time playing every now and again is seen as a big step up.
There is also this feeling that somehow paid work is more important or harder than parenting work. Which is absolute nonsense for most jobs. “It’s my day off!” “I’ve finished work I want to relax” - Sorry but no, when you get home it’s now time to 50/50 parent at the very least. (Edit: somehow this view doesn’t reflect when Mum is also a working…. Dad needs a break as he’s finished work… but Mum doesn’t get a break when finishing work and has to go straight into parenting)
Of course there are exceptions as long as both parents have really good communication and discuss what works for them and are both genuinely happy with the arrangement.
This doesn’t reflect every situation and every Dad… I have Dad friends who are great and absolutely true 50/50 parents… but most that I know do sadly fall into what I’ve described.
Society in general needs to be promoting positive role models for what fatherhood should be and stop with the bumbling idiot dad who’s only role is to “bring home the bacon” which is so outdated and generally harmful. We need that base line of being a good Dad to be higher… Basically we need more Bandits.
I would argue though that if “Dads want to do more caretaking” they absolutely can. The barriers for Dads are much, much lower than the other side of the coin “Mums want to have a career”.
The biggest barrier I’ve seen around me from other Dads is mostly about positive father figures and the expectations of society of what it is to be a good Dad and supporting partner (this is also mentioned in the article which I agree with).
I was absolutely shocked at the bare minimum that other Dads seem to do and get away with. People who I’d normally consider good,thoughtful and responsible people just seem absolutely oblivious to the struggles of their partner and what it takes to be a properly equal parent.
Discussing it (gently… as it’s never my place to butt into other people’s parenting styles) the running theme was that they are using their own Dad as a sort of base line, trying to be genuinely better than what came before, that’s admirable …. But this base is often so low in terms of being “hands on” that changing the odd nappy and spending some time playing every now and again is seen as a big step up.
There is also this feeling that somehow paid work is more important or harder than parenting work. Which is absolute nonsense for most jobs. “It’s my day off!” “I’ve finished work I want to relax” - Sorry but no, when you get home it’s now time to 50/50 parent at the very least. (Edit: somehow this view doesn’t reflect when Mum is also a working…. Dad needs a break as he’s finished work… but Mum doesn’t get a break when finishing work and has to go straight into parenting)
Of course there are exceptions as long as both parents have really good communication and discuss what works for them and are both genuinely happy with the arrangement.
This doesn’t reflect every situation and every Dad… I have Dad friends who are great and absolutely true 50/50 parents… but most that I know do sadly fall into what I’ve described.
Society in general needs to be promoting positive role models for what fatherhood should be and stop with the bumbling idiot dad who’s only role is to “bring home the bacon” which is so outdated and generally harmful. We need that base line of being a good Dad to be higher… Basically we need more Bandits.
I would argue though that if “Dads want to do more caretaking” they absolutely can. The barriers for Dads are much, much lower than the other side of the coin “Mums want to have a career”.