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Forewarnig of “every kid is different”, so ymmv.
One of my kids would fall asleep while nursing as well but keep sucking in his sleep! But hey you found what works for you (see forewarnig).
For the first 2 weeks (at least) yeah that’s all they do: eat, sleep, fill diapers. However it’s never too early to have some cuddle/play time. Gentle caresses all over, like a light massage, especially after bath time with some oil maybe. Singing (or even just talking to them) is great as you’ll soon start to see them reacting to your voice.
As you’ll surely know their eyesight is not great at the beginning, but you will notice when they get more alert of their surrounding.
Skin to skin contact also is a great way to make them happy.
Apart for that, it’s way too soon to start worrying about “let’s not make a dick of this human”.
I recommend a book called “wonder weeks”, and once you have recovered from sleep deprivation, “raising boys”. BUT EVERY KID IS DIFFERENT, so don’t take them as the absolute truth, more like guidelines and food for thought.
Maybe get him some sensory toys, it’s a great way for them to start learning to explore stuff.
And finally, remember that kids learn by copying what they see. A lot of kids grow messed up because unfortunately they come from messed up situations.
He WILL make you mad and angry. Remember that anger is a secondary emotion, you need to be able to breathe and recognize what you’re angry at. And you can tell them, and also that you need a minute to calm down. If they see you dealing with strong emotions in a healthy way they’ll learn too (but also they WILL make you made on purpose as they learn boundaries by pushing them. Yes, they are little sociopaths).
There’s ton more stuff of course but the fact that you care and you’re concerned is already a good step. We all mess up in some way, but being able to put your ego aside and say sorry to them is a big thing. Don’t feel like you should always know the answers, we all make it up as we go!
Congratulations and good luck!
I’d say, try to identify WHY they are drifting towards her, and see if you (both) can change that underlying cause.
In my case no technical/IT solution (and I’m an IT person). We just talked. If we needed more help with something we asked each other. Sometimes you can preempt (e.g. putting in a wash load), sometimes you are just too tired for going with a walk with the baby and so you ask.
We were lucky that I need less sleep than her and we were already in a routine about shopping, admin, cooking etc. But she had more of a view of what kind of baby clothes we needed, because she was in touch with other moms (so they swapped clothes when they grew out of them). That and the health checks (and vaccinations) are the only thing that were pretty much only on her (health checks because the hospital had her contact details, plus health checks were for her too). She had much more parental leave than me (9 months vs 2 weeks!).
Basically if there was anything to do around the house (cleaning, shopping, cooking, admin) that I could do, I did. Stuff related to “baby admin” she did. That is not to say she did nothing around the house, just that when you are surviving in 2hours of sleep at a time it gets difficult!
Tl, dr: talk talk talk
It may be that she doesn’t need an afternoon nap every day anymore. I know it sucks because you were used to have some peace, but they grow up and it was bound to happen. Honestly if she doesn’t look tired don’t even try. If you make her sleep even if she doesn’t need it she’ll start pushing back (welcome to “terrible two” age). She’ll start hating going to bed even in the evening. When mines started growing at a certain point they were having a nap only on the weekends.
I’d advise against “let’s try and see if you need one today without pushing too hard” because she WILL learn that if she just doesn’t you’ll not push back. You need to judge if she needs one (looks sleepy/extra cranky) and you have to put her to bed (and be firm) or not even try.
It might be that on days she doesn’t have a nap she’ll need to go to bed a little earlier (like half an hour earlier).
But I strongly suggest you don’t make the “you need to sleep” routine a fight or they’ll make it hell for you.
I didn’t want kids. Now I have two. We didn’t go for the third because we are getting too old for this (it is immensely taxing, physically and mentally) and well, we couldn’t afford it (childcare is a monster that will take everything from you). I’ve spent an hour tonight to deal with a tantrum. But then he tells me (during the night, when he wakes me up to hold his hand to walk him to the bathroom) “you’re the best daddy ever” (and I am certainly not!).
The most important thing is that you both know what is going to be for the first few years. Lots of being tired, very little free time, stress, possibly money worries, a LOT of literal shit to clean, trips to ER, no travel far away etc. Also, it could have career repercussions, especially for the mother (but also for the dad if he has/had to travel a lot for work).
I realize that I’m giving you a lot of reasons to NOT have kids, but look at it this way: after all the problems, I’m still happy that I did.
Also because death by shaken baby syndrome is unfortunately a very common thing