The false choice trick either works really well, or they clock it quickly and leave you for dust. Our minion caught on far too quickly.

Powering through the tantrums is sometimes all you can do. My record was about 30 minutes or so. By the end I was more wowed by their stamina than stressing. Once they realise that tantrums don’t work well, they move on to other tactics (for better or for worse).

We seem to have dodged that phrase so far. At three, her goto was “you’re not my favourite!!!”. The hardest thing was taking their feelings seriously, without laughing at the cuteness.

If it helps, training them to negotiate helps a lot. It lets them get a “win” while doing what you want. It also requires higher level thought, which seems to help suppress emotional tantrums. Finally, it encourages them to make known what is actually important to them.

I’ve done that more than a few times. It also includes “how to be a good husband, while being a fun dad” along with specific examples for both parents and children.

The hand touching, to get attention, without interrupting was a life (sanity) saver.

I still stand that bluey is actually a guide to good parenting, pretending to be a kids program.

I’m quite a well educated and trained parent (or thought I was). The number of little tricks we’ve picked up from bluey is almost embarrassing.

Just ran across this, and thought back to your post.

https://youtube.com/shorts/tEcQSnd-3DY

This is why dad’s often don’t bond properly until around 6 months (when the baby can properly play).

That’s ok, not everyone gets that hit. A significant number of people (I want to say around 20%) don’t have the nerve connecting their pheromone receptors to their brain. It sounds like you are in that group.

The bond will still form, it will just be later, and based on interactions, rather than hormonal. It’ll be worth it eventually. Just focus on being a good dad, even if it’s just by rote. It’ll come.

Believe it or not, that’s not an uncommon feeling. Evolutionary wise, there’s no particular reason for the dad to bond with the baby. It’s completely dependent on mum. What we get is often a spillover for the drive to get mum to bond.

I was lucky and had that bond kick in quite quickly, but it’s ok if it doesn’t. Likely it will kick in around 6 months, as the baby becomes more “interesting”. Until then, be a good husband.

It’s also worth noting that you are entering peak “emergency mode”. Right now the baby is completely dependent on you. It hasn’t settled down into a routine, and you are running low on sleep. They combine to utterly screw with your head.

The mentality that got me through that zone was this: mum looks after the baby, I look after mum. I made sure she had regular meals. That she had time for a shower. That she could have a coherent night sleep.

Something that might help is to sniff your baby’s head. Babies put off powerful pheromones, designed to reinforce the bonds. Unfortunately, not everyone has active pheromone receptors. If you do though, that smell is like crack cocaine.

In short, you’re doing well. Baby is safe and cared for, and you’re doing your share of that work. Anything else is a bonus.

The leather school shoes are one of the current cycle. The ones with the sole wrapping over the toes seem to be the best so far. She still manages to mangle them however. They are also no good for PE or other uses.

I’ll look into shoegoo however. I suspect skaters put similar wear and tear on their shoes.

We tried some little walking boots. Their construction was less practical, and more stylistic. We need to find a brand that will actually hold up better than a normal shoe.

Rock climbing is on the list. She’s almost old enough to go to the local walls. She already does multiple sports and activities, they don’t wear her out. She can walk most adults into the ground, and still have energy to spare. Think energizer bunny, but with the fuel cell from the Terminator. If we figure out a way to reliably get the energy out, she will have a new hobby, whether she wants it or not! 🤣

She’s fairly good about not injuring herself. Toes and knees feel pain, so she protects them. Unfortunately, shoes don’t, so they are fair game to scrape and tear as convenient. She tends not to kick things explicitly. It’s more she does things like trailing her toe up the small wall she’s climbing, so she doesn’t accidentally kick it.

Shoe quality wise, I’ve definitely noticed they are nowhere near as robust as adult shoes. The work shoes started out as a complete joke idea. Unfortunately I’ve still to come up with anything better.

Looks like I need to find the girliest little safety trainers I can find.

She rides a bike, but is still working on the balancing bit. Most of the damage happens at school.

She’s extremely rough and tumble. It’s mostly crawling around and climbing/kicking stones or bricks etc. She basically ablates them on whatever is in her way. There’s nothing too dangerous. It just all seems to be focused on the toes of her shoes.

To be fair, training them to fight isn’t that frowned upon. It’s fun watching small children trying out martial arts. It’s only frowned upon when you make them fight to a KO.

I know exactly what you mean. I’ve done the same loop more than once.

Get frustrated => Vent => Realise I f@#£ed up => Apologised => Explained why I was upset, and what I actually wanted from them. => Problem fades away.

It’s a nuclear option, but effective.

Negative reinforcement has its place. It needs to be hyper targeted to be useful. If the child is not capable of the adjustment (either due to inability or not understanding) then it can mess with their head.

I’ve done the negative rant at my minion. I think all parents have. I do tend to try and temper it afterwards, with an apology, and an explanation. In many ways, that was the most useful part. It both teaches emotional regulation, by example, and provides them all the information. Knowing you’ve upset mummy or daddy is one thing. Knowing how, why, and how to fix it, is another.

I’ll note however, there are 2 sorts of tantrum. Emotional, and tactical. Your comment only applies to the latter. Emotional tantrums are a fact of life for parents. They get better, but only with life experience.

Also, the best counter to tactical tantrums is to provide an alternative outlet for their desires. My daughter learnt that, while tantrums got little headway, polite, calm, negotiations are highly effective. It makes shopping trips a lot easier.

As for tech tantrums, they can be a mix of types. Cutting them off can generate a lot of withdrawal. That has big emotions attached to it, that need to be processed. Emotional tantrums are common under those sorts of stress.