My 3 years old like dinosaurs a lot. Some time ago he decided that a good way to engage with other children on the playground would be to roar like a T-Rex at them. It even worked one time, some children started playing with him because of it. But most of the other times everyone is very confused and afraid because they don’t understand what’s going on. Two weeks ago in a kindergarten a girl told him that he should stop because she doesn’t like it, there a world broke for him, he didn’t get why this girl was so upset and started crying himself. Since then he ist doing it less often.

Get a plastic bathtub for him like you probably have for the baby just bigger. Our three years old still bathes in a big bücken which we used to use for cleaning the floors, but slowly it’s getting tight.

Or if not a hard plastic one then one which you can blow up.

Actually I had a somehow similar discussion with my sister about masculinity where she also had this weird view of it, so I explained that:

Being there for those who you love, for your wife, kids, friends and extended family is

… the most masculine thing you can do as a man.

The other bullshit is just not as masculine as that. Don’t fall for the Andrew Tate’s and their insane definitions of masculinity.

I estimated the cost per year for our 3 years old in South Korea. Compared what government estimations are we are about 20% below, probably we are kind of frugal.

Oh and if he was Korean the Kindergarten would be even half of that cost.

Dude, you fucked up extremely by not helping her. The only decent thing to do now it to apologize and move out so she can heal.

I really don’t understand how you could bring your boys over and just sit there letting it happen. You were supposed to be on her side.

In Poland my mom brought us to the Kindergarten one day and me and my younger sister had to stay there because she had to go to work. My sister was allowed to visit me if she felt lonely but other than that there was nothing extra.

In Germany we stayed a couple of hours with my step daughter the first day and after that she just stayed there alone without problems.

Here in Korea I brought my son the first day and he stayed only for one hour, next day for three hours and after that 6 hours.

Surprisingly good article.

We had parental controls on our daughters iPad but it basically never worked as intended. Either she couldn’t access stuff which she needed at school or she figured out the password by asking mom to extend it and watching her puttin g the password in or the system clichéd and allowed websites and apps which were clearly in the blocked list.

Now that she is in middle school she has to use a Mac computer, there we removed the parental controls and I only block the websites she shouldn’t use (it’s a very short list) and I just use the /etc/hosts file to redirect to localhost. If she figures it out we will see her using rose sites on her computer but if she does I’ll be very proud of her investigating and learning about computers. I’m afraid she can’t figure it out without hints though.

Ah so it’s the time when kids start going back to school at the start of the school year, I see.

What is back-to-school?

I’m thinking that a hard live is still better than no life. We are born only for a very short time to experience the universe, and we are the way for the universe to experience itself.

If we don’t have children there is no future for us. And I don’t want to leave the future just to desendents of people like a Trump and Musk.

And the future has for the most of out time as homo sapiens looked grimm, constant wars, terrible desieses, hunger, slavery, feudalism, but the biological desire to reproduce has always been bigger and who knows what awesome things the future holds for our desendents, even if it’s just the normal things like falling in love, being able to have their own children, etc. It’s totally worth the hardships.

This has always baffled me too.

I think your expectations are wrong. Perhaps at 8 you still might tolerate your mom hovering around but at 12? It’s part of puberty to grow apart from your parents, it’s just biology. You can be glad he is comfortable even bringing his friends to your home so you can meet them and talk to them at least a little bit.

The only a bit weird thing is that they get the whole house/apartment and you’re confined to your room. I’m not sure about your living situation but it should be the other way around, they should be in his room.

We liked to get a bungalow somewhere in a rural area and stay in the same one for the whole duration, so it becomes a base from where you to day trips with the car, which becomes your second base where all the necessary stuff is with you all the time and where the kids can sleep if necessary.

Not moving between hotels removes a lot of stress already. And then don’t try to cramp too many things into a day, it’s just a rural area, you don’t need to see every single tourist attraction there. Instead explore the local area around the bungalow. Find a local playground, look at the local animals, find the local restaurant and convenience store, etc.

Yeah, that seems about right. My earliest memories are about playing outside unsupervised.

Normally we have bath time in the evening but not every day. In the morning we saw that his next was so dirty, so even for him the shower was a surprise which then triggered the rest.

Today ours was naked after a morning shower and refused to put on anything, no panties, no socks, no T-shirt, no pants. It took forever to first to try it with force, which didn’t work, and then later with convincing.

Ok, I see where the confusion is. So it’s apparently called a push car:

The parent pushes it and steers it on the back of the car with this stick.

Actually it was a little car not a stroller.

The ChatGTP translation for Americans:

This morning was a full-blown suburban Olympics on the way to preschool.

Kid wakes up with big scooter dreams. We barely make it down the driveway before he changes his mind: “No scooter! Stroller!” Cool. So now I’m pushing the stroller with a diaper bag swinging off the handle like it’s trying to fight me. He hops in. Two minutes later? “Actually… scooter.” Classic.

Now I’m pushing the empty stroller, juggling the bag, and he’s scootering like a mini Tony Hawk. That lasts maybe 500 feet before he’s “sooooo tired” and wants back in. So guess who’s carrying a scooter, pushing a stroller, and already questioning life choices? This guy.

Then comes the poop situation.

We pull over for an emergency grassy field bathroom attempt. Pants off. Nothing. (Mind you, we were already late because he did a 15-minute fake poop session at home too.)

Now he refuses everything. Doesn’t want the stroller. Doesn’t want the scooter. Won’t walk. Won’t be carried. Just stands there, arms crossed like a tiny union worker on strike.

Eventually I scoop him up — full meltdown, flailing, screaming like I’m kidnapping him. I’ve got him in one arm, the scooter in the other, still pushing the stroller like a deranged octopus dad.

I finally strap him back in the stroller. Two seconds later? He’s trying to escape. One leg on the sidewalk, the other still in the stroller like he’s halfway into a getaway car.

Then — divine intervention — we pass the other preschool, and the kids are dressed as firefighters. Suddenly, he’s riveted. Climbs back in like a civilized citizen.

The rest of the trip? Just continuous low-level whining.

So now Mom gets to pick up the stroller AND the scooter from school later — sorry, babe.

And me? I’m parked in a café, mainlining espresso and pretending I’ve got it all together.

#DadLife #MorningWorkout #PreschoolChaos #IJustWantedCoffee

Here in Korea there are so called Kids Cafes which are basically indoor playgrounds where you pay an entrance fee. There are often quite many children different ages and we take our kids there sometimes.

The more obvious one would be just the normal public playground, check when other kids usually are there and join them. If you do it regularly you will find that there are more or less the same children there at the same time.

But the biggest problem for the child in first day Kindergarten is that their parent suddenly disappears, over time they get used to it bit even after years in Kindergarden there are days where they don’t want to go :D

We practically only use the calendar, it’s possible to use tasks also with it but there is no native tool for it on iOS which my wife uses so we don’t use it.

I selfhost https://radicale.org/v3.html and just added the calendar to iOS as a CalDav calendar, in GNOME Calendar and with help of DAVx5 on Android with the built in calendar. And then I added it to Home Assistant too, and made a dashboard which I automatically show at 7am on the TV.

If you’re self hosting other things already then https://radicale.org/v3.html or https://nextcloud.com/ offer shared calendars.

It’s just a drop in the ocean, but I set up a family calendar and I put in everything I come across which needs to be dealt with into it and we both can see it in our phones and on the morning dashboard in the living room. I ask my wife to also populate it which she occasionally does. It helps to not need to keep it in your head all the time because you see it every morning on the dashboard for the next couple of days. Things like:

• Renew child A’s visa
• Make child K write an essay on a regular basis
• Vaccination for child A
• Prepare for child K’s school trip
• Change bed sheets
• Bring child K to birthday party
• Register for child K’s Summer Program
• Go to Photo studio with child A
• Call the bank about moving money abroad
• Ceramic class
• Visit grandparents

and so on. The thing is when I don’t know about it then I can’t even offer to take it over. This way it’s also a bit more visible for both of us what the other is doing so we can share easier.

Let me say it with Carl Sagans words:

“We are a way for the Cosmos to know itself.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWnA4XLrMWA

I think most of history was riddled with wars the short time after WWII until now was a big exception and out exponential exploitation of the natural resources was never sustainable, but that was what was keeping us from going to war. We had the feeling that everyone can be lifted out of poverty, etc. until the billionaires class took it, but I digress.

We don’t exist for the vast majority of the universes timeline and then we are born and can experience the universe for a blink of an eye. On top if that all the humans who could exist compared to the ones who really start existing and experiencing the universe, it’s nothing short of a miracle that anyone exists at all.

Damn, it’s difficult to explain what I’m trying to say in a short way, but existing, even in a difficult time is preferable to not existing, at least you have the chance to experience the universe and have the slim chance to make children who then also can do that and get their own and so on and perhaps we will get some breakthrough of free energy or something which will make wars for resources unnecessary in the future like imagined in Star Trek for example.

Not having children robbs us all including the universe from that future, just because we need a unbroken chain of humans to get there even through the tough times.

And no, leaving the having children only to billionaires is not an option because then the whole world would consist of entitled assholes and thus is not a way to go to the future.

Apart from that you can’t know the exact future of your child, it’s not 100℅ sure it will be shit or that they only can thrive in a nice environment but instead can step up to be a leader who will bring us out of the shithole or brings joy and relieve with their work in arts or music, etc.

I just listened to the podcast A brief history of Bethofen and his live was objectivally terrible, losing his hearing in his 20’s, never finding lasting love, mother dies young, father is a drunk, later Bethofen himself becomes an alcoholic, etc. But his life was still totally worth living even with all the hardships, and he left us such an amazing legace to enjoy for several hundred years already.

Around month 10 our had a time where he would wake up every hour, this was the worst time, this is when I also forced the wife to try sleep training which was equally awfull, but it gave results so he would start sleeping longer and sometimes even be able to sooth himself back to sleep.

What I can say it gets better with time.

Also it’s the worst combination that your partner is away so you get no time to wind down at all during a difficult period, I really feel for you.

When our does the crocodile roll I let him go for 5 minutes and try then again most of the time he is not against the diper by then.

The yelling is not optimal, it’s because you’re exhausted. Perhaps before that happens it would be good for the dad to take over if he is around.

But the sleeping sounds like dream compared to what we have to do, every day it’s a 1-2 hours procedure :D

Yes both in kindergarten and at home, he will just fall asleep on the floor around noon otherwise.

He is to big for the crib we had for him AO he sleeps in our bed right now.

I remember my dad driving around with my little brother back then, somehow we never tried it, might be worth a try.

His big sister would fall asleep quickly then you gently stroke her forehead down to her nose but he hates it to be touched on his face with a passion.

It’s very dark in the room, but I will try the thing with dimming the lights before.

We did this too when he was like 10 months. Hm, perhaps it is time to try again.

When he was 10 months or so we had this too, so we did even with the crying out because I was so exhausted that I couldn’t take it anymore because he would also wake up every hour. What improved was that he would sleep longer during the night but we couldn’t quite transition to removing ourselves.

So now he never wakes up at night anymore. But sadly the problem moved to him not falling asleep forever.

Yes exactly this is happening to him too.

He also loves music and we got him some children drums which he is playing during the day so often he starts playing air drums in the bed too, he probably has some melodies in his head.

That sounds good, but it always takes about 2 hours, so we wouldn’t mind staying with him if he just would fall asleep within half an hour ^^

When his mom tells him she is going to the bathroom he can stay in the room for like 5 minutes but then he wonder what is taking so long and goes out to try to find her.

The books are a challenge already durin daytime. In the evening he just takes the book from us and throws it away.

But I think not lying in bed with him as a starter but sitting on a chair we should try. I will propose this.

I mean as long as we stay there he does also.

Yeah, that is also a good idea. Today we were outside two times, once during lunch and then at 5pm and he was sleepy at 7:30, so we gave him a bath and put him to sleep, but then it took him still two hours to fall asleep. But at least then it was 10pm and not 11 like the days before.

Hm, we should try it. But most of the time even if his mom just is getting some water or goes to the toilet he runs after her.

I’m kind of in a similar position as you, I was solo traveling and specifically for doing photos as a hobby photographer before. My wife had a 6 years old when I met her and traveling with her was no problem at all. I still could take my camera with me and take great photos, even though it had to be faster because I didn’t want them to wait for me on every corner for minutes to get my composition and the light ready.

But since the little one arrived, and he is now 2 years old, I haven’t taken a single good photo because there is no possibility to concentrate an that at all. Before he was born I even bought a new camera because I thought great, there will be many opportunities for pictures. But I’m only taking snapshots with it :D

And similar here, he hates it to sit in the stroller. What we changed is that once we arrive at the destination we rent a car and have it for the full time. This way the car is like a mini-hotel where we can go and where his stuff is with us and he doesn’t need to walk very far and when he is sleepy he can sleep in the car, there are snacks and toys and water, etc.

Seldom, but sometimes we split and half of the family does something while he and the other parent stay in the car for half an hour and listen to music, sleep or just play. This is a mini version of what you’re proposing as this solo vacation and both of us can have it while we’re already at the destination ^^.