Oh, I didn’t see you there…

US Government sources in general should not be trusted in my opinion. The scientific basis and independence of all agencies of that government have been seriously eroded and should therefore never be taken at face value without verification from trustworthy sources.

Where I live, here in Germany, it’s unusual for children younger than one to go to any kind of day care. Starting at around age one I’d estimate that around one third of children go to day care. By age three virtually all children go to Kindergarten. In my home country, the Netherlands, it’s much more common for children younger than one to go to day care.

What I find baffling though is that this German system is that it’s fully geared towards mothers staying at home for very long periods of time. Not only does this not make sense on a macroeconomic level, but it also deprives people of social interactions that don’t stem from being a parent, at least in my opinion.

Well, at least our day care is dirt cheap here, coming in at 280 € per month per child for five days a week between 7 am and 4 pm.

I share your opinion. Unfortunately the weird method that takes weeks and moves at a snail’s pace isn’t optional here at our day care. Speaking from experience with our first child: it would have been absolutely fine to leave her there for the entire day much, much earlier, since she really enjoyed going from the first day.

Is this a specifically US problem? As a Dutchman I can attest to the fact that kids are biking just as much now than they were during my own childhood, probably even more (and much more safely).

While I agree that the prevalence of digital media and the internet is a new phenomenon that requires new Ideas and approaches for parenting, I disagree with the idea that mankind is currently faced with a particularly different world state. While, at least for many people in the place we used to refer to as “the West” life was probably cosier in the 90s or even the 2000s, that is certainly not the case for people in other regions. Additionally I don’t think there has ever been a time when things were “good” in the first place. I was born into a world where nuclear annihilation and MAD was ingrained into society. It felt like an inevitable fact that at some point mankind would face nuclear annihilation and yet people were still able to have families, raise children and enjoy the little things.

Depending on the age and number of children being a stay at home parent is often more stressful than working a full time job. The draining part is that you can never switch off. No coffee break, no lunch break, not even bathroom breaks if you’re taking care of a baby or needy toddler.

As mentioned, libraries are awesome. I recommend making a habit out of regularly going to the library with your children, even if they can’t read yet. At our library they have a large selection of children’s books that are meant to be read to children rather than read by them. Start with these and make reading a normal part of your day. When your child asks you to read to them, try to make that possible. This might implant the habit of reading in your children.

I feel this. Our daughter regularly takes off her socks just when we tell her it’s time to put her shoes on. Sometimes it costs more energy to get her to the day care and at the same time make sure that her little brother doesn’t have a meltdown at the same time than the entire work day after that.

If I may ask: which two languages do you speak alongside English? Does your child understand (and perhaps already speak) all three?

We had a minor breakthrough after reading a book about emotions in children with our daughter. In a very playful and colourful way the book explains how minor annoyances for small children can have a runaway effect. Unfortunately the book “Mia und die Motzmöhre” (lit. Mia and the sulking carrot) is only available in German. I’m sure there must be similar works in other languages as well and it’s perhaps worth a try - what’s the worst that could happen?

Every time our daughter now starts spiralling we ask her if she has a sulking carrot. That takes her out of the spiral surprisingly often.

Anywho: happy mother’s day!

Ah, I understand. There’s also versions of this type of car with a battery and a small electric motor that allow the child to “drive” at roughly the speed a grown up person would walk.

Is that car self driving or how does it move?

My daughter is currently at the phase where she is starting to play with others instead of only next to others. It took her over a year to steadily get there. Some children are shy, others are outgoing. My recommendation is to not be discouraged if there is little or no interaction between the children - that will come eventually.

I’m getting too old for this…

Thanks for sharing! It’s interesting to get the perspective from a non-heterosexual couple. We should really try to share our experience as a “regular” married couple with friends of ours who also have two children but happen to be two mothers.

Awesome! Which tool(s) do you use for the family calendar and task sharing?

Give daycare, pediatrics, classmates parents, and family and friends your contact info and instruct them to call you first

Where I live (Germany), many organisations seem afraid to call the father, even if specifically instructed to do so in my experience. Our day care for example never hesitated to call my wife for every little last thing when they knew she was on parental leave. When they knew that she was working full time again and I was on parental leave the day care seemed reluctant to call me. Even when they did, they apparently had a mental block that meant they would communicate very differently with me than with my wife. It almost feels like a man’s time is usually respected while a woman’s time is regarded as “free”, so she can pick up the kids anytime anywhere at the drop of a hat.

Make sure you know your child’s SSN, birthday, allergies

We found that keeping a shared cloud storage for things like mail from the various bureaucratic institutions we need to deal with as parents has been very helpful. Everything is available at any time without having to spend half an hour searching for the right piece of paper.

Keep a family calendar where you can see appointments

We use a google family calendar, which works like a charm. We’re trying to limit the exposure to google and similar evil tech companies recently. Do you know of a good alternative to the family calendar that doesn’t consist of just inviting each other to dozens of events?

Thanks for the insight! We talk a lot and I would hope we still manage to share a bunch of the load by taking charge of particular aspects. For instance, just like you described, my wife is in touch with other mothers and is therefore much deeper into clothes thanks to clothes sharing. Meanwhile I try to keep track of always having an adequate supply of food for the children. Still, I feel like it’s been drifting more into her direction lately, which we want to rectify.

Probably true. Luckily my son hasn’t yet gotten to that age, but he certainly will, sooner rather than later…

Thanks! This sounds interesting and I’ll look into it.

Concerning parental controls I share your doubts. While you may be able to have some form of limited control over the device used by the child, there is no control whatsoever over the type of content shared by peers. It just seems difficult to make sure that my children already have the necessary skill set of critical thinking at a very young age. I know for a fact that I didn’t have that skill at the age of 6 or 10. Luckily I only ever got my first mobile phone, a good ol’ Nokia brick, at the age of 16.