For me it was less about what time I start the routine, and more about what’s involved (although starting around the same time is very helpful).

I always do dinner, bath, books in the rocker, then bed. I try to keep things chill by playing some jazz during dinner and bath time (there’s a great playlist on Spotify called Dark Academia Jazz). You don’t have to do that, of course, but avoiding anything super exciting (like tickle fights or Megadeath) is key.

Five years later and it still works like a charm

She could just be learning about autonomy and figuring out ways to express that. My kid (4, just as stubborn as his papa) still does this from time to time, and it’s frustrating - I just remind him that holding it in can make things hurt, and that we want to avoid accidents. Forming the habit of going potty before bedtime is paramount, don’t let that go.

Alternatively, I wonder if she had a particularly bad/painful experience and is now scared something like that might happen again. If this sounds plausible, and you and your partner haven’t seen it, maybe try asking the daycare if she has tried using the potty and if there were negative experiences.