A number of times, I’ve helped her break through her shyness/fear and make a friend and she’s extremely happy. She’s very social with neighbor kids and in school. It just is a struggle to get her to a point where she feels safe enough to open up. Once she does, she very clearly wants more of that experience. She’ll constantly look outside for the neighbors and tells me she wants to play with them

It’s a bit different. My daughter tells me she wants more friends, but is afraid of kids.

My kid was very ashamed of making mistakes and was unreceptive to help. (Local culture where I am is fucked up). First I started to work on the “mistakes are okay if we safely experiment”.

I play games where either I or a toy was a baby and my kid was a parent/teacher/sensei. Then I would make mistakes or not know how to do stuff, and then my kid teaches me how. Could be silly stuff like avatar airbending lessons or magic lessons.

I also told stories about penicillin and how it was a mistake that was really good. I’d teach cool things like chopping wood with an axe, but safely (wide legs, hand near the axe head). Also I would tell stories about where I made mistakes and was dumb as a kid. Like cutting with a knife towards myself, breaking a window, etc.

Now my kid is pretty okay with mistakes. Much less shame. Now I can just straight up say “can I show you a trick? It’s a big tricky to do, but I think it’s easier”.

Working on fear of other kids next, but that’ll take some time

First part is interesting. I didn’t think to try changing the wording and avoiding saying shy. Maybe saying something like “So is sounds like it’s really important to you to make friends with other kids”. I’ll think about it

She has a lot of friends and loves playing with them. Neighbors, school, etc. She basically wants to always play with kids or me, but admittedly, I can’t keep up with a 5yo energy wise. And she is always asking to play with friends.

In an art class, she has a new friend and they laugh and talk the whole class. She also will joke with the teacher. She cried before going the first couple times, and adamantly “hates” the class before the class, but everytime comes out happy and says she loved it.

Maybe you are right about getting out of the way. I’ll try having a phone call in the hall or something next time.

Yeah, she’s told me in pretty much every occasion that she’s scared the kids or teacher will be mean, but after a couple classes she’s fine. Similar with play dates. She’s not stressed by social situations at all (other than new ones), in fact, she craves friends a lot and often tells me that she wants to play with other kids. I’m school and neighborhood, she’s often the leader and organizes the games for kids.

I’m not trying to make her extroverted to be clear, but I’d actually say she’s more extroverted than me. Shyness isn’t introversion. In fact, my push for a hobby is to effectively get her more friends to balance playdates that she wants.

She’s scared kids will be mean to her. None of the hobbies are things she’s scared of. She loves doing them with me and neighbor friends.

What coping mechanisms would you suggest in this case?

I’ve tried a number of different hobbies and it’s a struggle usually. With an art class she was crying beforehand, but I sat next to her and she was fine after the first class. She has fun and laughs as she makes silly stuff.

The “forcing” is just the first couple times, but she’d literally just stay home eternally if I didn’t make her do things. Other than at least one exercise/movement hobby for health, I kind of don’t care what the hobbies are, but want her to do something.