Did you put together that Chili had a miscarriage? (The Show, Sleepytime)

make sure this kid isnt a dipshit.

I’m not sure you can stop a kid from being a dipshit. I think the best you can hope for is to give them a chance to be good.

You’re about to be sleep tortured for 12-18 straight months. Your cognitive functions will get compromised, but they’ll come back once the kid sleeps through the night reliably. Try not to make any big decisions.

Freeze that surplus breastmilk. There are plenty of moms who have difficulty producing enough, and that’s fucking devastating to new moms. Find them and give them your surplus. Failing that, trade. Boosts the immune system.

Your dad’s a cunt.

Kids bounce. You’ll eventually have to teach 'em how to take a real digger, but let gravity do the educating until they can climb trees.

inclination towards environmental terrorism

Been rewatching Pokémon with the child and it seems that direct violence is the solution to most problems caused by industrialism and/or capitalism.

All fun and games until the Ischium Hag shows up to collect her prize.

“Robot is sleepy.”

Do you want me to wake it up?

“NNNNOOOOOOoooooo!”

Man I can’t wait to break out my D&D Monster Manuals and be, like, “well, it says here that ghosts can’t be killed by normal weapons - or at all, really - but you can convince them to go away by asking nicely, so if one shows up just try that. They might ask you to do them a favor, but run it by me, first.”

Roomba.