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As others mentioned, consistent routine is amazing. Any change to routine and we were messed up again for about 2 weeks of sleep deprived hell.
Bedtime routine is a process for wind down. Batch, brush teeth, bedtime story, light dimmer etc. over time those clues helped their body to know when to start winding down. So, not just consistency with timing. With bedtime story and lullabies, of purposely speak slower and softer as we progressed through. We used a smart light set to gradually dim down over the bedtime routine.
One child, I found holding and gently rocking with a lullaby worked great. The other, not so much. The difficult one, o found more vigorous rocking helped. His eyes were constantly looking around and he’d remain stimulated. Wrapping him firmly in swaddling and rocking fast enough that it was hard for him to.focus but gently enough to be calming and sleepy. (Longer arcs helped and it was more tiring but good exercise). Instead of lullabies, lots of white noise like shushing helped.
My kids are adopted and one of the rules while fostering is you can’t go into their bed and they can’t come into yours, so we didn’t do that. We had friends who did and they struggled when they were older to get them to sleep without being there with them. What I mean by this is whatever works, do it, but he careful to allow it to be carefulky dropped when not needed.
Here in Australia, we do crunch and sip in schools. So a seperate lunchbox with just a serve of fresh fruit or veg, uncooked. We do berries, apple, celery sticks, carrot sticks on rotation.
For lunch, we do a sandwich, usually ham and cheese, yoghurt pouch often, babybel cheese, or cheese sticks/strings. With that I also add some kind of fruit or veg too. We also do cooked sausages cut up or leftover pasta bake.
I also add things I hope they will eat but often don’t, like falafel, lentil cakes, unusual (to them) fruit and veg. We avoid those kind of bars, as they seem healthy but are really just sugar. If you want them to have sugar, given them something nice, like chocolate, lol.
My husband often puts in a treat, but I only do on a Friday.
Once a week we order from the school canteen. Usually pizza or nuggets and chips or pot noodle.
Lol, easier to just get long form media and jellyfin it instead.
I know some countries, ads on TV are not allowed for kids. Some outlaw certain types of ads, like junk food. We could quite easily regulate them so that it’s more profitable to not show ads and have proper parental controls.
I’m in Australia which is banning social media for kids and many online we’re berating it as unworkable for things like YouTube. Well, they had plenty of time to get their house in order and chose short term profits instead.
The different controls on different devices is also a problem. You want to set a limit on one app or one device, they just switch to another. Have siblings? They’ll just use that device instead.
In a world of single devices and one child, they are still useless as they are naggy for the parents and create friction rather than responsibility.
lol, my now 8 year old used to ask how long befor X would die, pretty much daily. Then for a while, any famous band, or singer or actor; are they dead or alive?!
We just always answered about everyone dies, but when they are very old or very sick. Unfortunately, younger brother was due for open heart surgery at that time so it was hard to explain what was serious and what was risk and what was death.
I’m a dad of two kids, but married to a man, so we didn’t have preconceived gender roles. Instead of looking at what is fair division, look at what’s important to you and your partner. Then take that role on.
For me, birthday cakes, homemade is important. He prefers store bought. I do that. For him, laundry should be done when the basket is full, for me, it should be done when the cupboard is empty. He does that.
The issue is if one parent is doing too much or things don’t get done. The other stuff that is not important, you just have to divvy up. It’s important that you’re both clear on that. I wouldn’t to leave the cake to him and be disappointed it’s storming bought. If he’s busy and can’t do laundry, he tells me. Obviously both help out where possible. If I’m at end of closet and going a load of clothes, I do his and the kids. If he’s at the shop the day before a kids birthday, he checks it I’m baking or need ingredients.
You just need to cover the basics. The rest is as it happens. However, when simple stuff like school forms. Having one parent responsible for all permission slips means less checking with each other as to if it’s done. One parent can just ignore emails and reminders.
Haha, I’ve just kept the embarrassing pics (3-2-1 backed up) as blackmail material. They’re still only 8 and 6, so not changing DNS yet, but when they do I’ll be proud. I plan to make weak blocks and ramp them up as they learn to circumvent. Teach tech skills while allowing a drop feed of inappropriate content.
The bigger issue for me is how to teach them privacy when they have never experienced it.
I found sleep waking too much and struggled when woken. If you are both not working, having a schedule helps. Sleep training helps, but you may have tried that. Being super strict is the only way any of these systems work, so bear that in mind.
I found that a combination of shushing rocking and darkness helped but on bad nights it could take 3 hours for first sleep and be every hour after that at 18 months. However, most days it was sleep and nonwakes at that age. The more you can establish a routinez the better. Structuring physical activity to support sleep is good too. So lihmght exercise before naps. More exertion before night bed but at least an hour prior.
Regularity is also helpful. With everything. Naps, meals, night sleep, location. Routine is hugely beneficial. So starting a routine with a bath, brush teeth, familiar song, read bedtime story etc. We still use night lights that gradually dim over time for our 6 and 7 year olds, that were helpful when they were younger.
A 4 year old has a different attention span and different understanding than a 6 year old or an 8 year old. They are going to make shows that cater for them. They may as well use existing characters in an age appropriate way.
I’ve 2 kids and the older of the 2 still struggles with the pacing of spider man movies geared more towards 10-12 year Olds, even if it’s not particularly inappropriate as he’s just a year or two younger.
Star wars is for kids, as is spider man but they need to have the attention span and emotional maturity that a 4 year old doesn’t have. It’s a gentle introduction which probably allows them to appreciate the real thing a bit earlier than they otherwise would…
We also need to accept that some of the things we liked as kids won’t be like by our kids. Star wars for kids was Ewoks: the battle for endoe, when I was a kid. It’s awful.
There is a current Spiderman show for young kids. Spidey rather than Spiderman. I think it’s on Disney plus, but I don’t subscribe. My son loves it. He’s a little older but started watching at that age. It’s not violent but has some conflict. It also has positive female heros.
https://www.themoviedb.org/tv/127635-spidey-and-his-amazing-friends
Sometimes its just learning to negotiate. My son is slightly older. When he wasnyoinger he’d conplainnthat his friends didn’t want to play. On further questioning, it was that they wanted to play their game and he wanted to play his. He didn’t see a need to compromise or take turns or try other peoples games. He’s still a bit stubborn but now gets that other kids have different likes and desires to him.
Often learning some social skills in playgrounds without usual friends is good. Its low stakes and good practice ground for trying to make friends and try new things. If it doesn’t go well, they never see them again. If it does, they can use the skills with their existing friends.
Any punishment should be a natural consequence where possible. So fighting over a toy, the toy is removed. Removing from the situation for a time out, or time in, explaining that its not acceotabke behaviour is good too.
Removing something they value temporarily also works. A favorite teddy, a toy. They dont need to be actively engaged with it at the time. It just goes to the time out zone.
We have a naughty seat. Its the same as the snack seat. So when a time out is needed, its always the same spot. They can inky leave when their time out has passed and they recite a challenge. This is age appropriate. For a 3.5 year old, that could be counting to 10. For a 4 year old, counting backwards. A five year old, counting to 20 etc. Its more for repetition and redirection than punishment. We ask them to verbalize that they won’t do it again and they need to show they are sorry. That means offering a hug or similar rather than just saying sorry.
We went upstairs at daycare to look for a missing waterbottle. End of day, all the kids are downstairs together when numbers start to droo., so lights were all off. He thought it was spooky but wasn’t scared.
Recently we saw a tree which was wet from rain but it looked lime it was bleeding. Same response. I didn’t mention that he thought it was spooky duentonthe blood analogy. I just said leaking, lol.
We ban peppa pig as it poem treats the dad as stupid.
Paw patrok, we allow but it’s propaganda, however mostly the message for kids is good. Bravery, coooerarion, environment.
Bluey is a favorite for kids and adults.
Gravity falls, owl house and Steven universe are fun and inckusive but the kids aren’t mad for them.
When okder, avatar and ninjago are fine but as others said, they portray viokence.
Hey duggie is good for little kids rather than cocomelon. Come to think of it most of the bbc stuff is good.
What do you mean by attack? Hair pulling, exploring with fingers etc is all normal. Generally, a negative outcome lets her know she’s not allowed to do something. It can take time.
I agree with the other poster. Meltdowns should not be given into. I also wouldn’t describe them as going mental. Remember, the words you use are now being soaked in.
Time out I appropriate, but keep the, short and try a time in type, where you sit with her somewhere quiet without distraction. We use a naughty step still for older kids. The naughty step is not for naughty kids, but to discuss naughty actions, or red choices.
Using spanking or physical discipline is never warranted, so it’s worrying that it’s your first instinct for discipline. I think youll need to look at how else you can discipline. Kids crave uniformity and boundaries. Set them and keep them.