Regarding the chores, I’d say you can’t require it, but in my household that would have been where my allowance money comes from. No chores, no money.

They will have to make a choice, maybe several. Your job right now is to let them learn what consequences each choice brings with it so they can start learning to chart their own course.

The kid’s an adult now. In my household that would mean a place to live at long as they are in school full time, working full time, or convince me that their alternative is actually reasonable. You also have a list of basic chores for them that are fair based on an even split. Other than that you get the help you ask for. It sounds like the lesson your kid needs to learn now is how to cope with things after your parents stop micromanaging you and it all falls apart.

To get to that point you have to be willing to let everything fall apart. If they move out to couch surf, or be homeless, or something else, you tell them you love them and if they ever want help you will welcome then back and help them figure things out.

But until they want that, they won’t take it.

I’m with your husband. Your cold is trying to figure out where the boundaries here are. Unless you want to create a serial liar, the only reasonable answer is that you don’t tolerate lies. You don’t have to argue, you don’t have to get the kid to agree, but correcting them is reasonable and probably the right move, even if you do it in a sort of casually dismissive way.