I like all my kids friends except for one. She stayed overnight a few weeks ago and there was something off putting about her. Took her out the night of the meteor shower and again she’s just non-responsive? Last night she was part of a big NYE sleepover. She didn’t pick after herself, insisted on sleeping in the closet (was at an Airbnb, not our house), wouldn’t wake up when we were trying to get everyone ready to leave, and refused to help with picking up the house/clean up for check out. Wasn’t necessarily disrespectful to our face but not respectful either. If asked to have this one over again, I’m inclined to say no. But maybe fourth time is the charm? Not sure if I should be telling the parent. She’s in sixth grade so probably 11/12. Maybe autism spectrum? Thoughts?
My thoughts are that puberty is a hard time. And a sleepy time. And a time that basically the brain is taken over by a chemical soup not far divorced from pregnancy-brain or postpartum-brain. If pubescent children were on the whole tidy, there wouldn’t be tropes about horrifically tossed teenager rooms, so not cleaning up after themselves seems developmentally apt.
If the child doesn’t meet your standards for cohabiting or vacationing, don’t take them. Your own child can relate to their friend in a different scenario.
Sleeping in a closet isn’t typical behavior, no, but it is also harmless. Perhaps the closet was a dark or quiet space which they needed in order to sleep and while they, too, think closet sleeping is weird, the alternative was no sleep at all because too bright or loud. It is tempting to fill in an unknown with a narrative, but your narrative is no more valid than my counterproposed narrative in this paragraph.
I wouldn’t tell her parent anything unless asked directly. I wouldn’t assume that the parent lacks the ability to see the same things you’ve seen as I doubt the behavior you saw is any different except in the better direction than how she behaves at home.
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My thoughts are that puberty is a hard time. And a sleepy time. And a time that basically the brain is taken over by a chemical soup not far divorced from pregnancy-brain or postpartum-brain. If pubescent children were on the whole tidy, there wouldn’t be tropes about horrifically tossed teenager rooms, so not cleaning up after themselves seems developmentally apt.
If the child doesn’t meet your standards for cohabiting or vacationing, don’t take them. Your own child can relate to their friend in a different scenario.
Sleeping in a closet isn’t typical behavior, no, but it is also harmless. Perhaps the closet was a dark or quiet space which they needed in order to sleep and while they, too, think closet sleeping is weird, the alternative was no sleep at all because too bright or loud. It is tempting to fill in an unknown with a narrative, but your narrative is no more valid than my counterproposed narrative in this paragraph.
I wouldn’t tell her parent anything unless asked directly. I wouldn’t assume that the parent lacks the ability to see the same things you’ve seen as I doubt the behavior you saw is any different except in the better direction than how she behaves at home.