I was astonished at the extent to which popular culture lied to me about diaper changing. Every TV or movie depiction of a man dealing with a baby includes him absolutely losing his goddamn mind over how difficult and gross diaper changing is. From fiction, you’d have thought that changing diapers was as difficult as gathering honey from a wasp’s nest. In reality, I adjusted to that in less than a couple of weeks.
Now the fact that babies and toddlers can get so tired that they can’t go to sleep, that was an unpleasant and unexpected revelation.
I think there is probably another reason for this. Yes I will say this is a good thing but I think a major reason for this is working mother’s.
During boomer’s childhood mothers stayed home and raised children.
During Gen x and melenial childhoods alot of mothers had part time jobs or jobs at the same time as schools(a lot with the schools directly like lunch ladies and bus drivers).
Now most woman have full time jobs. They can’t be full time child care and full time worker alone. As a result they are full time worker part time child care, and the father is full time worker part time child care.
This is not saying woman should not be working or that father’s don’t have a responsibility for helping raise a child. Just saying this is likely partly responsible for this shift.
Lead probably played a part. Plus your father may of been replicating the people around him. Or your father and you may have different job expectations. Or(and this is probably true) you saw how you felt when your father wasn’t involved and made it a priority for you to be involved in your child life.
There are a thousand reasons that may be. That’s why single experiences are not evidence.
I’m not a scientist, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I could be wrong, it’s just a hypothesis based on my own observations. I’m just thinking there are probably societal factors at play also.
I’m not so sure on some that. There is a reason Gen x was also called the latchkey generation. We pretty much had no parental support. Either because both parents worked or were single parent households.
Prior to the 70s, dual income families or single parents were the exception, not the norm. As this changed rapidly through the 70s and 80s, child care and support systems did not evolve to keep pace. As these have become the norm, society as a whole has had a chance to catch up, which could be why you see more dads stepping up. Or most likely a combination of this and what you said.
At least in my case, I am aware of how absent my father was and how it affected me, and I chose to not be that way with my kids. I’d like to think others feel the same way.
I’m in the same boat as you, my father was disconnected, absent, aloof, mean, or drunk. The generations raised by boomers seem adamant to not repeat the abuse and neglect we received. I’m sure some is the lead as others have mentioned, but I think it goes back further and has more causes.
When my partner and I discussed the parallels in our dysfunctional families, we realized that our parents had similar histories of emotional and almost certainly physical abuse at the hands of their parents. The Greatest generation really did a number on them.
In addition to that, boomers felt the pressure to start families, but are the first generation to do so after suburbanization took hold. Add to this their own great numbers in comparison to their parents generation, and you have an enormous number of households going it alone for the first time. I think generations before the boomers had a lot more community resources to fall back on, since people were less spread out.
Another likely factor is all the propaganda they were fed. Baby boomers grew up in the start of the cold war and had their opinions and values shaped by the flood of propaganda that came with that. I don’t know if we’ll ever understand the damage that did, just having the backround noise of your life be the growth of the modern propaganda machine. Is it any wonder boomers find comfort in the conservative alternate reality? Its the only world they’ve ever known.
I can see that. My father started getting sick when I was about 10 and died just after I turned 13 so I don’t have resentment since it wasn’t his choice but was also kinda latchkey child.
I’m sorry you had to go through that so young. I was in my thirties and hadn’t seen my dad in decades when he died and it still affected me. I couldn’t imagine going through it at that age.
Birth rate is also down. I figure those who don’t want / aren’t financially able to, look after children aren’t.
With millennials not buying into the middle class happiness propaganda like previous generations, this is just another way the climate crisis / capitalist nightmare / class struggle is expressing itself. A nice way, sure.
Xennial here, but I can say I definitely didn’t want to be my parents to my newborn. My wife and I discussed this before he was born how much we didn’t want to pass the trauma from our parents to our kids. We are actively trying to undo the damage to ourselves by being better for our child. Hopefully, as others are doing the same, we may see better generations going forward.
With my first I worked nights, so I was always in or around the house when my little girl was awake, even if I was asleep upstairs.
With my youngest, that changed. I’m working a 45 hour job now, 20 miles away from home. It’s ridiculous how… apart I feel from the little guy. Those little moments I got to enjoy with my daughter just haven’t happened with my son and I know it’s going to be something I regret when I’m older.
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I cannot imagine having kids with a guy who refuses to change diapers.
I can’t imagine not changing diapers as a Dad.
I was astonished at the extent to which popular culture lied to me about diaper changing. Every TV or movie depiction of a man dealing with a baby includes him absolutely losing his goddamn mind over how difficult and gross diaper changing is. From fiction, you’d have thought that changing diapers was as difficult as gathering honey from a wasp’s nest. In reality, I adjusted to that in less than a couple of weeks.
Now the fact that babies and toddlers can get so tired that they can’t go to sleep, that was an unpleasant and unexpected revelation.
Amazing what not having lead in your water can do
I think there is probably another reason for this. Yes I will say this is a good thing but I think a major reason for this is working mother’s.
During boomer’s childhood mothers stayed home and raised children.
During Gen x and melenial childhoods alot of mothers had part time jobs or jobs at the same time as schools(a lot with the schools directly like lunch ladies and bus drivers).
Now most woman have full time jobs. They can’t be full time child care and full time worker alone. As a result they are full time worker part time child care, and the father is full time worker part time child care.
This is not saying woman should not be working or that father’s don’t have a responsibility for helping raise a child. Just saying this is likely partly responsible for this shift.
Ehh, my mom worked full-time my wife does not. I am way more involved with my kids than my Dad ever was with me. It’s probably the lead.
Lead probably played a part. Plus your father may of been replicating the people around him. Or your father and you may have different job expectations. Or(and this is probably true) you saw how you felt when your father wasn’t involved and made it a priority for you to be involved in your child life.
There are a thousand reasons that may be. That’s why single experiences are not evidence.
I’m not a scientist, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I could be wrong, it’s just a hypothesis based on my own observations. I’m just thinking there are probably societal factors at play also.
I’m not so sure on some that. There is a reason Gen x was also called the latchkey generation. We pretty much had no parental support. Either because both parents worked or were single parent households.
Prior to the 70s, dual income families or single parents were the exception, not the norm. As this changed rapidly through the 70s and 80s, child care and support systems did not evolve to keep pace. As these have become the norm, society as a whole has had a chance to catch up, which could be why you see more dads stepping up. Or most likely a combination of this and what you said.
At least in my case, I am aware of how absent my father was and how it affected me, and I chose to not be that way with my kids. I’d like to think others feel the same way.
I’m in the same boat as you, my father was disconnected, absent, aloof, mean, or drunk. The generations raised by boomers seem adamant to not repeat the abuse and neglect we received. I’m sure some is the lead as others have mentioned, but I think it goes back further and has more causes.
When my partner and I discussed the parallels in our dysfunctional families, we realized that our parents had similar histories of emotional and almost certainly physical abuse at the hands of their parents. The Greatest generation really did a number on them.
In addition to that, boomers felt the pressure to start families, but are the first generation to do so after suburbanization took hold. Add to this their own great numbers in comparison to their parents generation, and you have an enormous number of households going it alone for the first time. I think generations before the boomers had a lot more community resources to fall back on, since people were less spread out.
Another likely factor is all the propaganda they were fed. Baby boomers grew up in the start of the cold war and had their opinions and values shaped by the flood of propaganda that came with that. I don’t know if we’ll ever understand the damage that did, just having the backround noise of your life be the growth of the modern propaganda machine. Is it any wonder boomers find comfort in the conservative alternate reality? Its the only world they’ve ever known.
I can see that. My father started getting sick when I was about 10 and died just after I turned 13 so I don’t have resentment since it wasn’t his choice but was also kinda latchkey child.
I’m sorry you had to go through that so young. I was in my thirties and hadn’t seen my dad in decades when he died and it still affected me. I couldn’t imagine going through it at that age.
Yeah, esophageal cancer that then spread to his liver. Cancer sucks
Birth rate is also down. I figure those who don’t want / aren’t financially able to, look after children aren’t.
With millennials not buying into the middle class happiness propaganda like previous generations, this is just another way the climate crisis / capitalist nightmare / class struggle is expressing itself. A nice way, sure.
“Millennials are KILLING being a deadbeat parent and spouse!”
Xennial here, but I can say I definitely didn’t want to be my parents to my newborn. My wife and I discussed this before he was born how much we didn’t want to pass the trauma from our parents to our kids. We are actively trying to undo the damage to ourselves by being better for our child. Hopefully, as others are doing the same, we may see better generations going forward.
Same. My parents mostly served as a counter-example.
I’m a father of a toddler and work from home. I literally can’t imagine having to be gone a work all day and missing all the little moments.
With my first I worked nights, so I was always in or around the house when my little girl was awake, even if I was asleep upstairs.
With my youngest, that changed. I’m working a 45 hour job now, 20 miles away from home. It’s ridiculous how… apart I feel from the little guy. Those little moments I got to enjoy with my daughter just haven’t happened with my son and I know it’s going to be something I regret when I’m older.
Still…bills gotta be paid I guess.