It’s the only ethical choice. Gotta protect them from all that sugar.

This is sarcasm mixed with a bit of truth. The “parent tax” on my kids candy really is quite high to keep them from getting sick in any year with particularly generous neighbors.

After doing the checklist of basic needs.

I’m gonna try one more time, flight attendant style: you have to care for yourself first.

Trying to care for baby when you’re no longer capable isn’t ever an acceptable solution.

Set the baby down and get help.

They’ll usually live through it.

Edit: To be clear a babies chances of living through being set down once in awhile are much better than their safety with a parent who doesn’t know how to set them down once in awhile.

There’s plenty of data on the topic.

Take an occasional break, new parents!

We’re probably saying the same thing at this point, I realize.

Most babies don’t almost choke on their own snot too, but it’s too late to buy a snot sucker in the moment. Same with earplugs. They’re a few bucks each. I advise new parents to buy both and shove them in a drawer somewhere.

Lol. Votes from non-parents and parents who didn’t have a child with colick.

A parent should absolutely ignore it, after doing the checklist of basic needs, and after calling for, and while waiting for, whatever additional help is available to them.

A ragged worn out parent isn’t any use to the child, and also isn’t particularly safe for the child to be near.

A screaming baby is rarely in any immediate danger. It takes strength to scream. That’s generally a good sign. If the baby can scream bloody murder, it can afford to wait a few minutes for a more thoughtful reaction to it’s needs.

Babies screams evolved to get everyone human in the area off their asses. But babies don’t actually know what is a crisis and what isn’t. Those are both good and normal things, but the combination is often overwhelming.

Once an adult human has determined that no crisis is impending for the next few minutes, it’s time to put the fussy baby down and get some rest and relief.

Lol. “No naked butts on…” is another category I underestimated the need to spell out, in detail, as official rules.

Lol. “Stop licking X” is whole category that wasn’t on my radar. Now I wish I had made a bingo card. Except I never would have guessed what would appear on it.

Oof. Here’s to caffeine!

If any mystic parent energy pool exists, I’m sending you some. (If it exists that pool is probably always desperately empty…)

Haha. Great question, and I’m about to give a shitty (but true) answer.

It depends. It depends on the kid. It also depends what is happening in the kid’s life. It also probably depends on the phase of the moon or something.

Source: I’m the best parent in the world, according a mug my kids made for me.