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I had a zen calm mother who never yelled and it didn’t help me with my own temper. Nothing is “proven” in behavioral science. Every person is different. Eskimos might be calmer than us because they didn’t have trace lead poisoning, like most boomers do. They may also just have calmer personality traits through natural selection. Those who panicked (or didn’t listen to warnings), died. Testosterone is a very different hormone to deal with than Estrogen. Screaming into a pillow does help, as well as chopping wood or breaking something with a hammer. Don’t go around invalidating others feelings.
Imagine if the article was about how eskimos never cry. Would that be a good thing? Should we raise kids who don’t cry? Anger and sadness are both valid human emotions and both can overwhelm you at times, and that’s okay.
A lie with a reason is still a lie. Tell kids about drowning and hypothermia, not monsters. Teach kids about morals and ethics, not fear of god.
I enjoyed reading this, but I don’t like the idea of lying to kids either. So my daughter is a poor sleeper. I could tell her that if she makes loud noises at night, the monsters who have very good hearing will find her in the dark and take her away. No, the world is scary enough without monsters.
You know what’s worse than feeling angry? Feeling angry and also feeling guilty about it, because it’s an invalid feeling that needs to be suppressed. Anger isn’t all about losing control. It’s about trying to express that something isn’t working for you. The first step in making it better.
But yeah hitting is not helpful.
I think it’s the mom’s reaction that escalates it. If she just said “oopsie nbd”, I don’t think the kid would have spilled it all. In for a penny, in for a pound.
As an adult, I can handle being clumsy, like bumping my elbow or my toe, or spilling. But when I’m trying to be careful, and still screw it up I get really mad. Kids just don’t have a lot of physical coordination so when they mess up despite heroic efforts, it’s really frustrating. It probably feels to them like they’ll never be big enough and strong enough to do it right. Once you’ve messed it up, there’s not much left to lose.