I’ve always been a fencesitter when it comes to having kids. I’m getting to a point where I think I’d like to have a kid. I don’t know if it’s because I really want one, or there’s just nothing major left on the list of life accomplishments and it’s a societal expectation.
The thing is, I can think of a million and one reasons not to have one and can’t put into words why I would want one. However, I’m starting to have a nagging feeling that I want to start trying. I just don’t know if that feeling is something I actually want, or just society telling me I should.
It doesn’t help that I don’t have a lot of small children I regularly interact with, so I honestly don’t have a clue what life would look like after kids, beyond it being a lot of stress and hard work. It also doesn’t help my spouse says it’s my choice and they’ll go along with whatever I want .
Any advice or things that helped you know it was the right choice/time for you to expand your family?
I can’t answer the ‘when’ part—that’s so individual that I’m not sure anyone has that answer for you and your specific situation. However, I can tell you how I finally decided that I did want them after being either a hard-no to fence-sitter in my early/mid twenties.
For me, it came down to what would I say if my kid ever looked at how horrible the world is, then looked back at me and asked “Why did you decide to have kids with everything the way it is?”
For a while, I didn’t have a good answer because, well, gestures widely at everything
But then for some reason something shifted and I came to a different conclusion. There are a lot of horrible people in this world, and I want to help put good people back into it.
It probably helps that my husband is the most amazing, kind person I’ve ever met, from an incredibly loving and supportive family. I never had that growing up (I don’t even talk to my parents), and for the longest time I didn’t want to pass on any residual toxicity. But he has been wonderful in showing me a better way and that also made me really excited to start a family with him specifically. I’m so excited that my kids get to grow up having his family as theirs, as well. They’ll have the love and support I never got and I’m proud to pass on that kind of legacy instead of my own family’s.
I’m rambling now, but I hope some of that was helpful at least.
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I can’t answer the ‘when’ part—that’s so individual that I’m not sure anyone has that answer for you and your specific situation. However, I can tell you how I finally decided that I did want them after being either a hard-no to fence-sitter in my early/mid twenties.
For me, it came down to what would I say if my kid ever looked at how horrible the world is, then looked back at me and asked “Why did you decide to have kids with everything the way it is?” For a while, I didn’t have a good answer because, well, gestures widely at everything
But then for some reason something shifted and I came to a different conclusion. There are a lot of horrible people in this world, and I want to help put good people back into it.
It probably helps that my husband is the most amazing, kind person I’ve ever met, from an incredibly loving and supportive family. I never had that growing up (I don’t even talk to my parents), and for the longest time I didn’t want to pass on any residual toxicity. But he has been wonderful in showing me a better way and that also made me really excited to start a family with him specifically. I’m so excited that my kids get to grow up having his family as theirs, as well. They’ll have the love and support I never got and I’m proud to pass on that kind of legacy instead of my own family’s.
I’m rambling now, but I hope some of that was helpful at least.