I am M41. I have a son who is 5, almost 6. The little guy is quite sensitive and cries relatively easily:
He hates having to wash his hands. Mom and I wash our hands right away when we come home from outside, and often after touching dirty things or before meals. He hates it. He often cries when asked to wash his hands, sometimes for 10 minutes or more. Saying “we also do it” does not help. Washing his hands for him does not help. I asked him what are the worst things about washing hands, but he could not elaborate.
One day recently, when I took him home from daycare (it was around 16 in the afternoon), he asked me to play with him. I said: “I need to empty the dishwasher first; then I will come play with you.” He broke down and cried until I finished my housework and came to play with him.
He wants Mom to put him to sleep every night. If my wife is out and he has to go to sleep with me, he sometimes cries himself to sleep. I have not found anything I can do that helps.
Whenever he cries or is otherwise in the grip of negative emotions, I try to be as supportive as I can without encouraging it. I talk softly to him, hug him if he wants it, stay close to him if he wants it, and go away if he wants that. I try to praise him when he DOES manage to calm himself down, and NOT reward him for throwing tantrums.
When he cries he often asks to watch TV. I try to avoid letting him watch TV to calm down, but once in a while I cave in and give him TV.
All these things have always been problems, but it seems to me that these behaviours have grown worse this last half year. Do you have any advice?
I read the 5 other comments and mostly agree. Here’s my addition:
Is mom your partner? Have you talked about how she deals with such situations? Maybe you’re cancelling each other’s effort out without knowing.
I asked him what are the worst things about washing hands, but he could not elaborate.
This is super tricky at that age; he might benefit if you give him words and concepts to express what’s going on, but you definitely do not want to suggest anything particular to him.
I also don’t see a common theme here; crying is very common in kids that age.
When he cries he often asks to watch TV. I try to avoid letting him watch TV to calm down, but once in a while I cave in and give him TV.
Could the promise of watching TV be a motivator for him? Some kids are super crazy about any sort of screen time. And I know that if a kid wants something really bad they might cry for 10 minutes to get it, even if they don’t say it.
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I read the 5 other comments and mostly agree. Here’s my addition:
Is mom your partner? Have you talked about how she deals with such situations? Maybe you’re cancelling each other’s effort out without knowing.
This is super tricky at that age; he might benefit if you give him words and concepts to express what’s going on, but you definitely do not want to suggest anything particular to him.
I also don’t see a common theme here; crying is very common in kids that age.
Could the promise of watching TV be a motivator for him? Some kids are super crazy about any sort of screen time. And I know that if a kid wants something really bad they might cry for 10 minutes to get it, even if they don’t say it.