Assuming they’re old enough to have a phone, obviously.
I have to send my daughter reminders to do things all the time because she’s extremely forgetful. She’s not annoyed by that, she’s asked me to do it. And whenever I send her one, I get a read receipt and no reply. And I’ve told her a bunch of times that it’s rude to not reply to texts like that, but she keeps doing it.
It’s driving me crazy. She’s a good kid, but why doesn’t she return texts?!
My chid is too young to have a phone but I’m a career nanny with experience. You’ve tried the rudeness angle and it isn’t sticking, so let me ask some questions:
Do you put a Call to Action in your texts? Something like, “Reply with a 👍 to let me know you received this.”? She’s still a child so as adults we do still have to do some of the executive load lifting.
When you ask her what the barrier is to her replies, what does she report? Is she falling prey to the, “I’ll do it in a minute,” thing which never happens because you never do it in a minute? If so, can you mentor her through realizing that such an inclination is a lie and what to do instead?
I read this as a former child and never-to-be parent: Child got tasked with chores, got overwhelmed, forgot some or chose which to deem more important and you disagreed, then both of you had a short, intense conversation about forgetting things where child (kind of) agreed to reminders by you.
Why is the child really forgetting things? Just saying ‘probably ADHD’ or ‘doesn’t want to do them’ is not enough at all.
Why aren’t you teaching the child how to do reminders autonomously?
Why do the reminders need a reply? If the child is unable to do the reminded thing, applying additional pressure by requiring a unique answer won’t help. If the reminders are actually trying to confirm pieces of collaborative work, the texts are not reminders at all, because reminders are optional by nature. These semantics are important, because it completely changes the discussion.
I am a parent and I agree with you. There is so much wrong about OP’s expectations. You summarized it pretty nicely.
One thing is to actually talk to your kid about managing their own shit. It is not my responsibility. I have enough shit to manage for myself. Oh yeah, you forget things? Feel the pain what it means to forget stuff! You don’t know how to make reminders or appointments? Learn it, for God’s sake!
Hi, I’m that kid. I usually see the text, don’t want to have to engage in conversation right that second because I’m super-introvert, then forget that I got a message from someone.
Then the longer time goes, the weirder it feels to reply. So I just don’t.
My family has gotten used to texting my wife if they need something
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My chid is too young to have a phone but I’m a career nanny with experience. You’ve tried the rudeness angle and it isn’t sticking, so let me ask some questions:
Do you put a Call to Action in your texts? Something like, “Reply with a 👍 to let me know you received this.”? She’s still a child so as adults we do still have to do some of the executive load lifting.
When you ask her what the barrier is to her replies, what does she report? Is she falling prey to the, “I’ll do it in a minute,” thing which never happens because you never do it in a minute? If so, can you mentor her through realizing that such an inclination is a lie and what to do instead?
I read this as a former child and never-to-be parent: Child got tasked with chores, got overwhelmed, forgot some or chose which to deem more important and you disagreed, then both of you had a short, intense conversation about forgetting things where child (kind of) agreed to reminders by you.
Why is the child really forgetting things? Just saying ‘probably ADHD’ or ‘doesn’t want to do them’ is not enough at all.
Why aren’t you teaching the child how to do reminders autonomously?
Why do the reminders need a reply? If the child is unable to do the reminded thing, applying additional pressure by requiring a unique answer won’t help. If the reminders are actually trying to confirm pieces of collaborative work, the texts are not reminders at all, because reminders are optional by nature. These semantics are important, because it completely changes the discussion.
I am a parent and I agree with you. There is so much wrong about OP’s expectations. You summarized it pretty nicely.
One thing is to actually talk to your kid about managing their own shit. It is not my responsibility. I have enough shit to manage for myself. Oh yeah, you forget things? Feel the pain what it means to forget stuff! You don’t know how to make reminders or appointments? Learn it, for God’s sake!
Hi, I’m that kid. I usually see the text, don’t want to have to engage in conversation right that second because I’m super-introvert, then forget that I got a message from someone.
Then the longer time goes, the weirder it feels to reply. So I just don’t.
My family has gotten used to texting my wife if they need something