Where I live, Germany, it is very common to spend weeks, sometimes even months, trying to slowly get a child used to going to day care. In my home country, the Netherlands, this wasn’t really a thing when I was younger and, from what I’ve learned from people with young children there, isn’t common even today. That got me thinking.
Are there many differences between countries when it comes to day care and specifically getting your children to go to day care in the first place?
We’re currently getting our second child used to day care. For our first child the entire process took six weeks and represented the Idea trajectory - nobody was ill, she liked going there, she liked eating there and she didn’t make a fuss when it was time to sleep there. Still, this represents a significant investment of time (and therefore money) for any working parent. Sometimes it seems really absurd and impractical. I get the impression that the entire day care system in Germany revolves around the idea that mothers don’t work or, if they do, it’s only ever part time.
How does this look like in other countries? I’ve linked an article (in German, but translation services are available) about the system we’re stuck with here, if anyone wants to dive deeper.
Hey there,
The models for starting in a kindergarten in Germany have a simple reason:
Stuffing your 1 to 5 old into a completely strange surrounding with 11 to 24 other completely strange children with 2 to 4 (or even more) completely strange adults with a completely strange daily routine and for your kid for a completely unforseeable timeframe is bound to cause issues for your child.
Especially if your child was not prepared beforehand by spending time without you (grandparents f.e) and/or time with other children.
The time it takes your kid to adjust to the new setting depends highly on the professionals you are working with, your attitude in that setting (f.e. Anxiety, curiosity) and the mindset of your child. There might be anxious children with strangers, there might be exploring types of kids and a whole lot in between.
Studies say and from my personal experience they are right: if you give your kid time to adjust and trust the new setting it will be emotionally stronger later on. For example in situations where things don’t work out as they planned or they are scared or hurt.
Of course the professionals will try and probably can make your kid happy for a set timeframe if you just drop it off in a strange environment and fuck off.
That’s their job.
And your kid will learn to cope over time.
But how on earth is your kid supposed to earn a deep sense of security and trust if you - for your kid - can just randomly drop them off somewhere and come back after an incomprehensible timeframe?
But your child will not as well and deeply learn to trust, adjust and manage that way.
That being said, if it takes you months without a setback by illness or something like that, something is going wrong.
Talk to the professionals about that and what their current goal is.
This is what we dealt with last time we tried childcare. We attempted to put him at a nice place at age 2, but he was just not ready and too attached to us to have a good experience. He stuck it out for a couple of months but the light left his eyes as soon as he realized we were gone. We pulled him out and kept him home for another year.
When we mentioned trying it again to him, he was immediately anxious about being left. The day we were supposed to start he was scream crying and inconsolable. The people at the daycare kept saying “just drop him off, don’t worry, we can distract him” but I didn’t want to betray his trust again. We took it slow, we went on a tour, spent some time with his teachers, and then did an hour of him playing without me there. We built up the length of time without us over a few more days, and now we have a much better foundation of trust and familiarity. He actively looks forward to going now, which is huge for him.
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Hey there, The models for starting in a kindergarten in Germany have a simple reason: Stuffing your 1 to 5 old into a completely strange surrounding with 11 to 24 other completely strange children with 2 to 4 (or even more) completely strange adults with a completely strange daily routine and for your kid for a completely unforseeable timeframe is bound to cause issues for your child. Especially if your child was not prepared beforehand by spending time without you (grandparents f.e) and/or time with other children.
The time it takes your kid to adjust to the new setting depends highly on the professionals you are working with, your attitude in that setting (f.e. Anxiety, curiosity) and the mindset of your child. There might be anxious children with strangers, there might be exploring types of kids and a whole lot in between.
Studies say and from my personal experience they are right: if you give your kid time to adjust and trust the new setting it will be emotionally stronger later on. For example in situations where things don’t work out as they planned or they are scared or hurt.
Of course the professionals will try and probably can make your kid happy for a set timeframe if you just drop it off in a strange environment and fuck off. That’s their job. And your kid will learn to cope over time.
But how on earth is your kid supposed to earn a deep sense of security and trust if you - for your kid - can just randomly drop them off somewhere and come back after an incomprehensible timeframe? But your child will not as well and deeply learn to trust, adjust and manage that way.
That being said, if it takes you months without a setback by illness or something like that, something is going wrong. Talk to the professionals about that and what their current goal is.
This is what we dealt with last time we tried childcare. We attempted to put him at a nice place at age 2, but he was just not ready and too attached to us to have a good experience. He stuck it out for a couple of months but the light left his eyes as soon as he realized we were gone. We pulled him out and kept him home for another year.
When we mentioned trying it again to him, he was immediately anxious about being left. The day we were supposed to start he was scream crying and inconsolable. The people at the daycare kept saying “just drop him off, don’t worry, we can distract him” but I didn’t want to betray his trust again. We took it slow, we went on a tour, spent some time with his teachers, and then did an hour of him playing without me there. We built up the length of time without us over a few more days, and now we have a much better foundation of trust and familiarity. He actively looks forward to going now, which is huge for him.