I have a 14 year old Maine Coon that is terminally ill and has a few weeks at best. Our son recently turned 4 years old and loves animals. We taught him to be kind to all animals, even bugs. He is not particularly attached to the cat, but he likes it well enough (the cat is not a cuddler).
In a few weeks we’ll have to go to the vet and have the cat put down. We’re wondering how we should approach this with our son. Do we take him with us? Do we let him be present when the cat is put to sleep? Or make him stay in the waiting area? Or do we go when he’s in school? What’s appropriate for a 4 year old?
On the one hand I think that death is a part of life. And I don’t mind that he sees us crying over the cat. But I also don’t want to traumatize him or make it bigger than it is.
I lost my nan when I was 10, older, but I was still a kid with kid level processing. All I wanted was someone to help me process what had happened, talk about it, so I could work through the feelings. Talk about her and all we did together to feel a connection in how I felt, both in enjoying her company, throughout the years and how empty it felt without her.
When our family cat died, I sat down outside with my kids, aged 8 and 11, and we painted offcuts of wood, in representations of her, and talked about all the joy she brought, the fun times, the silly things. Then we lit a fire to say goodbye and I bought the kids packets that turn colours in the flames and let them all throw one in each, while saying whatever they wanted, or nothing. It was a lovely afternoon. We kept all the paintings. They turned out beautifully.
The moment passes quickly. The processing after, that’s what’s most important. Just be there for the questions, take time with it, don’t feel rushed to answer, walk the path of grief, together.
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I lost my nan when I was 10, older, but I was still a kid with kid level processing. All I wanted was someone to help me process what had happened, talk about it, so I could work through the feelings. Talk about her and all we did together to feel a connection in how I felt, both in enjoying her company, throughout the years and how empty it felt without her.
When our family cat died, I sat down outside with my kids, aged 8 and 11, and we painted offcuts of wood, in representations of her, and talked about all the joy she brought, the fun times, the silly things. Then we lit a fire to say goodbye and I bought the kids packets that turn colours in the flames and let them all throw one in each, while saying whatever they wanted, or nothing. It was a lovely afternoon. We kept all the paintings. They turned out beautifully.
The moment passes quickly. The processing after, that’s what’s most important. Just be there for the questions, take time with it, don’t feel rushed to answer, walk the path of grief, together.
Thank you. Some kind of griefing ceremony sounds like a great idea!