Expectations around infant sleep are often way off, says the Guardian’s assistant Opinion editor, Lucy Pasha-Robinson

parenting is really hard and I don’t think it was ever meant to be left to just two people (or worse yet, one)

I have mild PTSD from the lack of sleep and constant screaming. I wouldn’t wish a colicky baby on my worst enemy.

In case you haven’t heard this today:

  • You deserve some time with some earplugs in.
  • It’s okay (and wise) to set baby down somewhere safe and contained and go take a break. If you’re worried about it, set a timer and take breaks on a regimented schedule.
  • You will sleep well again.

I’ve compared notes with other parents, and we discovered that all children are essentially identical, and every parenting idea that worked for any one of us has worked for everyone’s kids equally. It’s pretty great how easy this turned out to be. /s

My baby has been sleeping incredibly well since he was 3 months old. Fellow parents ask me the magic formula and, most often, when I share what we have been doing, it’s something they have already tried and didn’t work. We just are very lucky, there is honestly very little else…

I mean it elicits gasps of horror from me because I sympathize. Some kids just sleep like shit and it sucks ass for their parents. Sometimes there’s stuff you can do but kids are unique individuals.

That said, if your kid is not sleeping well, try what you can and then learn to let go. That’s really all any of us can do with our kids: give it a reasonable person effort and hope it’s enough. Many of your child’s outcomes are driven by genetic factors beyond your control or knowledge. Some of them will fail despite your best efforts. Some of the extraordinary efforts are beyond people’s means.

Sometimes you can do nothing wrong and still fail. So check, test, try, and then rest.

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